Meditation: The Way Forward

I have been thinking much lately about the will. I feel like Paul, saying, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do” (Romans 7:15 TNIV). I see this stubbornness so clearly in my children when they have to have their way, but I honestly see this same ugliness so often in my own heart, words, and actions! O God, deliver me from myself!
But I see I have heard the vision of the life that I want to live, and yet I do not make the necessary changes to align myself. In the frustration of being off the mark - again - I get down on myself, become frustrated with God and His seemingly unattainable vision, and begin to think the whole thing is out of reach and impossible, especially for one who doesn't hold the mysterious and vital key.
Then I read Jeremiah 6:16, which proclaims, "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls..." In talking with a friend of mine about this verse, she so wisely responded, "It's not like the Lord hasn't given us what we need. We just have to walk in it." Oh yeah! He has already given me all things that pertain to life - that abundant, overflowing, satisfying, soul-quenching water of life kind of life and how to walk it out (2 Peter 1:3). I have the power of God Himself living on the inside of me. I have all that I need to do this thing! I just have to walk in it!
My primary prayer has been, "O God, align my will with Yours, and lead me by desire!" I want more than just a life of godliness. I want to daily experience full life! I want more than the pulling-up-the-bootstraps-and-do-it-because-it's-right kind of existence!
But I cannot carve this path out myself; there is a prescribed way forward that I cannot get around just because I don't like the sound of it. And the way forward sounds like this, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me" (Luke 9:23 NKJV).
O God, I submit my will to You today. Today, God, help me to deny myself, pick up my cross, and follow You in Your way! But, Lord, that sounds like just a bunch of bootstraps to me! Surely there must be another way! I know that this is the way of the Kingdom - not going my own way - but it is not all sweat and blood. What about the sweetness?
Enter Matthew 11. It's a beloved passage that we all know so well, but having the backdrop of Jeremiah 10 in mind, I recently saw it differently. Jesus pleads with the sincere weary ones who have lived lives of pulling up bootstraps, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls" (Matthew 11:28–29 TNIV). Whoa there partner! Wait a minute! Jesus knew the Scriptures (that seems comical to even say!); He knew what passage He was referring to, connecting Himself to. In essence, He was saying, "Hey y'all! I know your hearts. You are so sincere. You are doing what I prescribed in the Law, trying to follow it down to the last jot and tiddle, but yet instead of finding life there, finding Me there, all you found was burdened life that you can't carry, at least for much longer without breaking. So just drop that heavy load and come to Me. I am the One every law was pointing to, but I never meant for you to do the law on your own. Sinai was not about bootstraps but marriage - covenant. This life is not about doing it all right but doing it with Me, the One you are in covenant with."
Wow! That's good news! He wasn't just saying what is so prevalently inserted into this text, "Come to Me and I will take all of your difficulties. I will be your spiritual Santa Claus and give you everything you have ever wanted. Life as a Christian will spiritually be like the marital bliss of the honeymoon - all sweetness, no bitterness!" No, Jesus is still the One who said, "If you desire to go after Me, you have to do it My way, the Kingdom way - daily - and I am on My way to the Cross. Remember My words in Gethsemane? The way forward is through denial of fleshly desires and the bending of the will to that which alone is life. Life comes after death, but it's real, authentic, Resurrection life! If you want to taste of that kind of life, then there is a narrow gate and a difficult way ahead."
So after all of that, what is the way forward? I want to enter into true life, I have a vision for something greater than the Christian life I have lived thus far. I hear stories of saints of old - like Paul and John and then those early church fathers and the mystics. They lived in and lived out something that I've yet to experience - peace that transcends my circumstances, unspeakable joy even in the midst of difficulty and pain, experience of the depths of God's love of the likes I have never known, but I know that blood, sweat, and tears were not their only way. They did not merely discipline themselves into a full life. If that would have been the case, the Pharisees would have been praised by God, not rebuked.
I want the sweetness of communion, but yet through Scripture I see so much of it saying the same thing (deny self, take up cross, etc.). Am I reading my Bible wrong? Are these two at odds - sweetness and sacrifice?
I am beginning to find the answer in Jesus' words,"Come to Me. Yes, deny yourself as I did. Your way is wearying you anyway. Even though the road ahead is difficult, we can do this together! Abiding in Me, you can find sweetness in the sacrifice, in the disciplined life." 
So I realize that it the answer is not so mysterious. The key is that God is not far away watching from a distance ever holding out the measuring rod. He came near. He dwelt among us, but through His death (denial of self, conquering of sin, doing what I can't do on my own), Resurrection, Ascension, and subsequent sending of the Holy Spirit, I can now have everything that I need for abundant life and godliness! He loved me first. He called my name. He chose me. He appointed me to bear much fruit. He has given me the prescription, and it is this: "Come to Me; seek My face!" He has shown me the way forward. He said, "Deny yourself and follow Me! Do it with Me!" He is ahead of me, and His name is Desire (Haggai 2:7). Truly Desire will lead me on, and I will know sweetness even amidst difficulty. No more pulling up bootstraps in an I'm-supposed-to-just-do-this way. Now it's just a looking in gazing on holy fire, my Helper, and a deeper leaning on the One who has already overcome, the One in whom is life, the One who is Life and who resides inside of me.
I love what Mike Bickle says about this subject. He says, "You will not walk in the Spirit more than you talk to the Spirit [who lives inside you]." So practical. So doable. I'm signing up again for the conversation. This is the way I walk on that ancient path that leads to the quiet rest my soul yearns for.