Story of Surrender - Baby Stephen's Entrance (Disclaimer: This is a birth story!)

I had my list this time going into birth. Last time birth was just an idea, a mystery, not an actuality. This time I had been there and I knew the things that I wanted and didn’t want. No, I wouldn’t be able to choose much of Stephen’s story, but there were specific things that I could surely pray into beforehand!

Apart from praying for a healthy, full-term baby, this was my “list”:

Labor

* Shorter early-stage labor so I’m not so exhausted when the heavy labor begins

* No back labor

* No episiotomy

* No tear

* Desire the urge to push

* No coached pushing

* Shorter pushing stage

* Water birth

* Timing of birth to go well seeing that we were doing a home birth and Cohen was going to be there

Postpartum

* No engorgement

* No breast infections

* No yeast infections

I am glad to say that the Lord was very kind to me. I can put a check by each of the aforementioned! Now here is his story...

Tyler and I decided to birth our first child at the birthing center. We were certain we didn’t want to go the hospital/intervention-friendly route, but lacking experience with the birthing process, we weren’t confident enough to do a home birth. We opted for the middle ground. This time around, though, we chose a home birth. 

We learned early on in the pregnancy that a home birth is more than the location where you have your child. The prenatal and postpartum care that I received from my midwife cannot compare to even that which we had at the birthing center. My midwife, Debbie, is now a good friend of mine! She did all of my prenatal appointments at my house during my son’s nap time! This point alone was huge - seeing that the birthing center is 30+ minutes away from my house. And in those appointments, I wasn’t limited to a 20-minute visit. Sometimes my midwife would stay for over an hour - if we had that much to discuss (some of which was just catching up on life and had nothing to do with the birth). 

During that time she gained my trust, but more than that, she taught me what birthing is truly about - surrender. Oh, how I wish I had understood that concept, that reality, the first time around! Maybe my labor would have been shorter than 43 hours! She taught me about how closely linked labor and intercession are. How true that is I now say. Having imparted this new perspective to me early on in my pregnancy, I set about on a journey to figure out, master, and fully comprehend surrender.

What does it mean to surrender? There’s no book, no person, no class, and no blog that could ever help someone answer this question. I now know that it is a wall that must be hit and choice that must be made. I clearly remember during the birth a point (probably transition) when I turned to the midwives and said, “Tell me again what it means to surrender!” What followed? Silence! I was a little bit astonished! My thoughts where, “You tell me to surrender, so you should be able to tell me how to do it!” But it’s not something that can be instructed and guided! Debbie kept saying, “Jesus is enough.” That was a good answer. He brought me to this point. He will be faithful to complete it. 

There is so much fear wrapped up in labor. I think that is one reason why it is so important for a woman to be in an environment that she feels safe in and with people that she trusts. Even with this being my second time to labor, I still felt fear at times. It was fear of pain that I was unsure I could handle, yes, but more so it was fear of the unknown. It was in those moments that I learned what surrender meant - trust in the One who is in control, which was great because I had no way of being in control, and lean on the One who has more strength, which was great because I felt my weakness so acutely. 

Thursday, May 13, 2010

That morning was a bit hectic. Tyler was about to leave and I only had a few minutes to spare, but I made sure I got a shower. That’s all I wanted to do was take a shower. I didn’t get one the previous day. It felt good to be clean. Looking back on it, I am so glad that I was clean! 

That morning I had 4 other moms and their 9 little girls and Cohen in my house for a surprise party for our Parents as Teachers instructor. It was hectic to say the least! That might have been what sent me into labor! After they all left, I made lunch for Cohen and me. I sat down and had a few bites, and then...

12:50 p.m. - My water began to break. I called Tyler, and he promptly came home and put Cohen down for his nap. I got into bed to rest. Debbie came over to check the baby’s heartbeat. It was good. She said to rest and wait for contractions to start and that I would probably have a baby within 24 hours! I asked if my uterus could seal back up and fill back up with amniotic fluid. She said yes but that she doubted that would happen with me. (She did say that she had one gal that had happened to - and she ended up having her baby 13 days later! Ahhh! And during that time, they were all snowed-in together in a cabin! Double ahhh!)

I felt really good and rested. I was excited, but I tried not to get too excited not yet knowing if this was “it”. It was really different this time not starting off labor with painful contractions. Maybe that’s why I could be excited! 

3 p.m. - Contractions began, but they were intermittent

5 p.m. - Contractions became steady and quickly changed from 8 minutes apart, to 6 minutes apart, to 4 minutes apart. Tyler made supper - blueberry pancakes. I remember I was really hungry, but I didn’t want to overdo it. Tyler, Cohen, Stacey, and Natalie (?) ate in the kitchen, but I ate in bed.

6 p.m. - Heavy labor began (they were 4 minutes apart and seemed to last for an eternity!). One of the midwives arrived sometime before 8pm and was with me until Tyler was able to be with me. 

8 p.m. - Tyler got Cohen into bed. We had a little bit of trouble with Cohen getting to bed. He wanted Mommy, but I couldn’t be with him. Finally, amidst all of his cries, I went in right after a contraction and tried to sing “The Lord Is My Shepherd” before another contraction came. Nope. It didn’t happen. I tried to keep singing as I held onto his crib for support! It was quite the site. Tyler got busy blowing up the birthing tub. It’s ironic that we had planned to do a “trial run” with the birthing tub that night anyway as Debbie had dropped it off the previous day! So much for the trial run! I’m glad everything went smoothly anyway! 

9 p.m. - I gladly got into the birthing tub that was set up in our kitchen. 

I mostly labored on my side, though Debbie wanted me to keep moving and changing positions frequently. One time she wanted me up on hands and knees for a contraction, but doing this brought me up out of the water b/c we had so lowered the tub so I could lay my head on its side as I was lying on my side. I felt the weight of my full abdomen return, and I promptly laid back down in the water! It was too intense! That’s when I realized that I’m never going back to a “land birth” unless I have to! :) 

Though my labor was much shorter than last time, still, I did not waste my time asking Debbie, “How much longer?” as I knew from last time that midwives don’t answer that question, which is a good thing. They don’t know! It was good for me. This time when I would want to ask that question, the only place I could go was to the Lord. I think that was part of my surrender - knowing that no one could be there for me (ultimately) except for the Lord. He alone had intimate understanding of what I was going through, and He alone knew when my time of laboring would end. So I just kept leaning. 

I tried to do all those “Bradley” mechanics we had learned last time - relax! Relaxing was the hardest thing to do, but I really did feel less pain when I did! So strange! With the contractions, I also did that cheesy thing (who cares if it works!) of imagining a flower or a gateway opening up. I wanted to do whatever I could do to help Stephen come out! 

As I began to feel him move into the birth canal during the contractions (so intense!) I told Debbie that I felt like I was scared to push. That had been such a traumatic thing for me last time. She said that she knew. She was praying. Once again I just had to trust the Lord. His grace would be sufficient, right?!

Friday, May 14, 2010

Midnight - A little bit later, during one of the contractions I felt myself involuntarily lurch! I asked, “Am I supposed to push?” Debbie said, “You can if you want to.” She assured me that if I felt the urge to push, that I was ready! I was glad for that. So with the next contraction, I took a few deep breaths (filled those cells with oxygen) and pushed. It was so dramatic! I could feel him move a lot, but it wasn’t awful! The only analogy I can think of how it felt might not make sense to anyone else but me! It felt I was blowing up a balloon! 

I think I liked (well, that’s too strong of a word), rather, I preferred pushing to the earlier contractions because at least I knew what stage I was in. Laboring previous to pushing still seems like a mystery to me. You never quite know where you are as far as timing. At least during the pushing stage you know you’re almost there! 

At one point Debbie said, “About three more pushes and he will be here.” Oh, man, she shouldn’t have said that if she didn’t mean it! I had focus now! I asked her later if she kicked herself for saying that! She said that she did and that knowing me she should have said ten instead! So push number three came and went, and I thought, “He’s going to come out now! I don’t care if I tear!” Debbie actually had to slow my pushing down. She said, “You don’t want to blow him out of there!” Push number five came (after she had said, “Three more”), and out he came! Debbie, “Take your Stephen,” and I began to cry - sob is actually more like it! I felt such a rush of emotions. I thought Tyler was crying too, but later he said it was actually Debbie! :) 

12:23 a.m. - Stephen Aiden Lee Dunstan was born! He was amazing! No cone head just brown hair and blue eyes (it’s hard to believe that I have another blue-eyed boy!). He was covered with heavy “cheese”! They put him on my chest and covered him up with a wet towel. This was the moment I had been waiting for. I felt such tenderness toward him, and I had no fear or stress - like last time - though I did ask Debbie what I was supposed to do, and she said, “Enjoy your baby!” She said he could nurse later if he wasn’t interested right away. So we did just that. I ended up having a slight tear, but she said I didn’t even need stitches.

He had ten fingers and ten toes and was a fully healthy baby weighing in at 7.5 lbs. and measuring 21 in. (Cohen had been 7 lbs./20 in.). His feet seemed really long and skinny and his legs seemed like stilts they were so slender! Is this one going to be tall like Daddy and Pappy Lee?

8 a.m. - We were actually able to get some sleep, and for that we were most grateful! Cohen woke up around 8 a.m. like usual. This was another answer to prayer - Cohen slept through the entire home birth! Praise God! So Daddy went and got him and brought him into our room where he got to meet “Bay Brudder”! He climbed up into bed, saw Stephen, and said, “It’s a baby!” He was so sweet and tender with Stephen - another answer to prayer! Then we gave him the gift “from Stephen” to open up. “It’s Thomas!” He was so excited to have Thomas the Train! He instantly liked baby brother!

4 weeks later - 

* No engorgement

* No infections (some clogged pores, but we overcame!)

* Stephen has gained 4 1/2 lbs. and continues to nurse really well!

Prayer is not a vending machine. You don’t put in your quarters and get out what you want when you want it, but the Lord does want partnership. He does want us to ask Him and seek Him for the things that are on our hearts. I took solace in Ps. 37:4, which says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” No, I couldn’t have my list and expect it all to be answered because I was somehow entitled to it, but I could believe with confidence that the Lord desires to give me the desires of my heart. The exact way my circumstances played out would be up to Him, as He cannot be controlled nor manipulated, but He is good at all times. This my soul knows full well.