Dedicated to the Lord

Today was a special day in the life of our family. We dedicated Stephen to the Lord alongside about 20 other families in our Sunday morning church service! It was such a moving moment for this mama's heart! Though I am sure Stephen was altogether clueless as to the significance of the occasion, I am confident that his awareness and agreement were not what set him apart. It's the decision that Tyler and I made together as his parents, the vows that we took, that do the setting apart.

 “For You, O God, have heard my vows; You have given me the heritage of those who fear Your name...Oh, prepare mercy and truth, which may preserve him! So I will sing praise to Your name forever, That I may daily perform my vows" (Psalms 61:5, 7-8 NKJV).

What an awesome responsibility we have as parents! We choose whether our children will be set apart - given over to the Lord - or not! But the thrust of what I felt today was actually not sobriety or weightiness at the daunting task of parenthood. I felt joyful relief and peace as it dawned on me, "This child belongs to the Lord! He's not mine!"

Although I will work out my salvation (sanctification) in fear and trembling day upon day in order to best lead my children, ultimately, I am a shepherd, a tutor. I am not their maker, one who intricately knows their heart's deepest workings and pondering and wiring. I can model life to them to the best of my ability - in much weakness and with much repentance - but I cannot see beyond the current moment. Though my vision has been expanded due to life experience and maturity, it is still limited. My best idea of what lies beyond the horizon is still my best guess.

What struck my heart today as we stood there praying over and blessing sweet Stephen was that the One who knit him together in my womb (Ps. 139) is the same one who sees the end from the beginning: “...I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like Me, declaring the end from the beginning..." (Isaiah 46:9–10). And He is the same One who gave all to make a way, to bridge the separation between Stephen's sinful self and the Holy One (Heb. 10). This One to whom we were acknowledging ownership and primary leadership over Stephen's life is the same One who is able to keep Him from stumbling and present him before Himself in complete sanctification (Jude 24).

What a relief! I could never do any of that! Thinking that any of the above are included in my job description as his mom is a heavy yoke, a burden not intended by the Lord for me to bear. I am neither Stephen's maker nor savior. I am his mother. The Lord has entrusted him to me for a time, and though my role causes me to rightly tremble and keeps me awake some night in fear, worry, or conversely in faith-filled prayer, ultimately he belongs to the Lord.

I have much more confidence in the Lord and his incredible leadership than in my own ability to be a good mom or to be everything Stephen needs. I feel it at times, though, when I feel like the responsibility is all mine, and that is what causes me either be feel bogged down or to want to sign up for the loony bin!

Just lean. That is what He requires of me. In my weakness, in my sincere love for my children, lean hard on the One who is able to keep them from stumbling. Even in the midst of the most difficult parenting days when you hate what you see in yourself, when the ugliness rises to the surface and spews onto the beloved children that you brought forth into this life, lean into the One who sees - all - has clear perspective, gives endless grace and mercy and strength to the sincere and repentant. Learn to press hard on the One who has the answers, fixes all problems (in His timing!), and has clear discernment in every situation. He is in control even when I am out of control. Instead of trying to fix myself, I come again just as I am, present myself honestly and sincerely to Him in the midst of my weakness, and lean hard.

So motherhood should be easy, right? Maybe not easy, but it should always be done in partnership with the greatest Parent of all, the One to whom my children belong, the One who has more love for them than the limited capacity of my heart will ever know.

I feel like I can breathe now! Yes, that feels good to remember and realize all over again!

Thank You, Jesus, that You hold my sons in the palm of Your hand. You are their Good Shepherd who ever leads them on paths of mercy and truth. Bless our marriage. Let it be the best example earth has to offer them of your beautiful and faithful commitment to Your bride. Cause them to want to know You because of the hunger they see in our hearts for You. O Father, let them be moved and drawn in and changed by the songs of truth and love that fill our home as we live day after day endeavoring to fulfill our vows made in Your sight - for them. Behold what manner of love You have given to us that we would be called children of God...