You Watch Over Me

"When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who watch over my way"
(Psalm 142:3 tNIV).

     O Lord, I have lived most of my life in strife - guarding, protecting, and self-preserving my own way. In the words of a friend of mine's altogether truthful chorus: "Self-preservation steals the joy of sweet adoration." Just how much joy have I stolen from my own life experience? You alone know.
     Thank You, God, that You look out for the weak and are a shelter for the weary. You are not the One who looks upon me in my weakest of moments, saying, "Pull up the bootstraps, Courtney, and get with it!" Rather, "Lean harder on Me," is Your gentle admonition time and time again.
     So I look to You who are able to keep me from stumbling and present me to Yourself a prepared bride. But Lord, there's so much bleed-over into the Christian woman's psyche from modern feminism (ie avoid the "s" word at all costs as it will only bring you down - "submission"). Rid this "progressive" thinking from my mind because You, my Heavenly Bridegroom, desire 100% of me, 100% of the time. You desire that I walk in Your ways, not my own.
     Oh, that my heart would embrace such a high calling and experience the joy found therein! You did not create me to watch me perform for You, produce for You! Realistically, what could I ever imagine to do for You, God - the matchless One, the One who holds the stars in His hands?
     It is my glory that You made me - fearfully and wonderfully - that You chose me - though I was Your enemy - and that You preserve me as Your bride - though weak am I!
     So give me grace to embrace my own weakness - not to try to cover it up or overcompensate for it  - but rather to pour out my soul to You in the midst. Keep me with Your eyes. Guide me with Your gaze. Watch over my every way that my life would be a praise to You.
    When I dwell upon these thoughts, Your greatness, strength, and uncompromising ability increase, and the seeming insurmountable "problem" of my weakness finds its rightful place - given over, submitted fully to You.

I'm linked up with Choosing Adoration Mondays hosted by Sara at Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet: